Saturday, November 28, 2015

Breaking the Chains of The Narcissist Family's Lies and False Expectations.

There is one insidious the way, narcissists damage us.  Narcissists abuse us with their endless expectations especially if we are dealing with high achieving narcissists. They lead us to set up false expectations about life, and if life does not measure up, then we can be thrown into severe depression.  Part of healing is dealing with reality and the way things really ARE, not the way we want them to be. Part of the healing process is tossing out their LIES ABOUT LIFE.
The other day the revelation came to me, that it was insanity for my family to expect a woman with serious Aspergers and severe physical disabilities to achieve their same upper middle class lifestyles. This was completely utter stupid cruelty.
"One of the most frequent themes of rumination that I see in patients suffering from depression is a gap between who they feel they should be, and how they actually experience themselves. This discrepancy leads to painful self-attack, which can eventually become emotionally deadening."
Coming out of this stuff, is finally getting rid of a lot of my depression. It's like I am FINALLY getting an OBJECTIVE view of my life replacing REALITY with the LIES they told me.
What are some of those LIES?
The false judgments on me as a person
The refusing to see my circumstances
Telling me I'd never get married
The upper middle class assumptions and prejudices.
Their views of people who have less as lesser. Even if I never personally judged the poor myself and always had compassion for them, their judgments of the poor became part of how I saw myself. My husband always worked hard. I worked hard before I got sick.
The belief in the system and in selling out to it.
This includes believing the politicians, belief in globalist wars, belief in "some animals are more equal than others" if you understand my Animal Farm references.
The belief that bad things happen to bad people which has actually taken over far too many Christian churches as a whole but that will take a whole other article.
The belief that only success counts.
The belief in competition at all costs. This is one reason families are breaking up in the USA, they are competing with each other. There's no more semblance of a families who stand by each other.  Do we need more proof that Americans have become a hardened crazed nation then to glance at the possibility of Trump being president?
I think of how all the LIEs have HURT ME and hurt me bad.
The other day I thought someone as disabled as me did deserve some care and help. I have met people with disabilities like my own even SINGLE ones like Aspergers who had families who cared for and helped them. They did not throw them away or call them a loser. They knew they had challenges to face the rest did not share. I think of young me even gasping for breathe and gaining weight I did not want, facing so much utter pain and fatigue and never one ounce of mercy and I came to the conclusion, "These were people are/were evil. It wasn't you! It wasn't you!"
I  needed to have a bowl of hot soup given to me, a pat on the back, medical help, and to be told "We will be here for you if you need us". If strangers and professionals can give me the soup, the smile and tell me "You deserve care". Why couldn't my family?
Since I have been busy taking out the narcissistic trash in my life, all of the people who are gone now, had no empathy towards health and money challenges, I felt relief. I do not feel alone, I feel more RELAXED. I feel HAPPIER. I feel some semblance of a light ahead and a breaking up for YEARS of depression.
I think about how the heavy expectations weighed on me, and how the expectations themselves were BASED on LIES.
There seems to be a growing expectation that we should be able to secure the perfect spouse, the perfect career, the perfect home, engineer the perfect children, and so forth to be happy and if that doesn't happen according to our plans then something is wrong that needs fixing. While we all likely believe that we should have high expectations for ourselves I wonder if unrealistically high expectations are counterproductive and destructive.

Maybe Hollywood is to blame. Perhaps watching the lives and fortunes of the rich and famous influence our views of what kind of life we should expect. For example, are we likely to feel better or worse about our lives after watching the Academy Awards later this week?  Perhaps our increasingly self centered and narcissistic culture plays a role too. If it's all about me (i.e., my needs, my pleasures, my success) then we may never secure what we feel we deserve and are entitled to. So many people seem to have unrealistic expectations of what they can expect from a spouse, a career, their children, and life in general. They want it all and they want it all perfect.
After reading this article I thought, Why not just be happy with WHAT I HAVE and stop listening to those who have chained me up with the chains of their narcissistic and perfectionistic codes? Poverty still stinks, but I am done blaming myself for being low on money. I believe perfectionism is a poison used by narcissists to destroy so many. Both of my parents would brag about how they were both perfectionists and that it was a positive on their life. All I saw it leading to was people who were never satisfied with anything. Even though both parents were far wealthier then me and lived easier lives, they never were good enough. I remember my father being angry he only made over 6 figures a year and not a million. My mother was never happy either. She constantly cleaned and redecorated. Seriously. It was crazy.
The unrealistically high expectations that the article refers to are indeed destructive as hell.
When my parents expected a young woman with Aspergers who had severe physical disabilities to make 6 figures too, they entered the realm of insanity. They left reality far behind and they took me along on their crazy tour. I was lied to about myself, about my life and even about what reality was. My view of myself and my life was put before an insanity mirror of "you can have it all" and that to be a success, I had to fulfill these endless tenets. Don't forget she even showed up at my blog to call me a "loser". Who does that? It's insane.

It is so cruel how I was set up. My health was destroyed. They almost succeeded in totally breaking me and destroying my mental health and then they kicked me in the face for not "succeeding" and not "doing" enough.

The illusions are being vanquished, and it is taking time here, but I have worked through these things step by step.

This is a major one I am facing now. I was TOTALLY LIED to and under severe pressures. I have realized most people who were sick and as Aspie as me were taken care of by their families, some even for their entire lives. I had a friend once tell me, that even me becoming an art teacher in the shape I was in was rare and extreme. For a person who was sick most of my life, early on, I worked hard to stay alive. Facing reality is where forgiveness of myself lies. Facing reality is where even understanding and admitting truth about loved ones lies too.
My mother was cruel to my husband, putting him down for being laid off from and losing his jobs. She ignored reality in her cruelties. She ignored the economy. He got older, he was a caretaker for years to a severely disabled woman who almost died multiple times especially early in our marriage. Our marriage was vastly improved when I was listening to litanies of my husband's shortcomings by people who had no understanding what he faced.
This was their prison and prison bars. Their lies about REALITY and their prison bullwhip, can and cat-on-nine tails to whip me into submission. "You are a loser!" "You aren't good enough!" etc etc. All based in their Disneyland fantasy view of the world and love for the system.  Accepting reality is what is needed. For many ACONs we suffer under the lash of the narcissist's delusional worlds.
Once we see reality, we can relax and no longer beat the crap out of ourselves, just like the narcissists loved to watch us do. We do without or innovate. We do what we can do and realize that is all we can do. We know we do not control everything and that many things happen beyond our control. We do not live in constant fear feeling that we have angered and disappointed these narcissistic overlords. We make our own choices, and live life for what we deem is important and see ourselves as normal people in a world that is not easy. A world that many times can be difficult. We understand and acknowledge that many live under severe oppression, many who are judged and exploited by the system.
I've been beating head on wall too long. No pressures to fulfill long lists or to dos or measuring up. Come on in this body even them judging me by the rules of their psycho contest made them literally insane. Now I can be free of this garbage and deal with reality and be more prepared to deal with life. It has changed my view of myself and allowed for more self-love and care to come in the door.

They Left Me First!

The above snip is from my no contact letter to my mother.

A close friend of mine, has told me, "Your family left you far before you left them". And it's true. They left me eons ago.  As a child I was left, abandoned and neglected. As an adult, they would have me in the room with them but they were never there for me in any real way.

Sadly so many of us try to have a family but there is really not one there. We have a family in our imaginations that really does not exist.  NC will progress even after a few years into it, as some of these realizations come to light. My last vestiges of guilt over being no contact evaporated with this revelation. When I visited years ago, I was not wanted. Duty, obligation and control are the only reasons I was merely tolerated for the short and sporadic visits that I made to them. It was sad for years I was NOT wanted. Having people ignore you chips away at your soul while you are stuck in the fog of pretending they are a "family" or that they love you.

This is a snippet of a no-contact letter to an aunt

I think of the many events:

1. "You're Not Invited!" Invitations for me were short in supply which tripled teenage angst when it came to any rejections. Their hatred seeped into my bones. There was one time as a teen when I was lonely, my mother screamed at me she didn't want me going to the bowling alley with her and told me to "get my own friends". Once my mother invited my sister, two aunts, and other cousins, and nieces and nephews to go shopping in Chicago and to lunch. I was left out. There was no idea of renting me a scooter or wheelchair if they were concerned about my mobility. Perhaps I would have still said "No", but the offer was never on the table. They would go out for meals I never heard about until it was too late. Even last year for one family party, which my mother was not going to, one relative told another, "Peep doesn't want to come." without consulting me. We can guess who set that up! I probably didn't have money to go anyhow. There were at least 10 other family events over a series of years where she invited the entire family to dinner or had parties of co-workers and other relatives mixed together where I was no invited or found out about the party from another relative by accident.

 For one party in 2003, I showed up uninvited, there were lavish plates of food laid out on several tables all over and at least 60 people including several of my mothers co-workers and friends I never have met. My mother totally ignored me and did not say one word to me while I was there. Our only contact was when she gave me a vicious look as I stepped over the threshold.  One weird event was meeting this one lady who told me she had been diagnosed with Cushings, and this was during the time I had just been diagnosed with pseudo-Cushings. Isn't it odd my mother befriended other fat people?

This is a snippet of my no contact letter to my sister

2. "Drive By Ignorings" I live one mile off the highway, my mother has to drive 150 more miles to get to my sister's house and vice versa. I could go two years without seeing my nieces and nephews asking my sister to stop by and she would say "No". In fact this happened the week, I went no contact with her for good. It provided the catalyst for me to cut ties and to say why. She told me later in an email, "I was considering the best interests of my children", like she was going to show up to find me raving drunk or smoking a crack pipe. The fact that I was kept away from her children purposefully definitely came to my attention.

My mother who never stays home, drove by my apartment building constantly. I got two visits from my sister in 8 years where she stayed for 10 minutes, nose up in the air, looking around my apartment with a haughty air. I went to go visit my sister for a week in 2003, staying in a hotel which would amount to most of the contact I had with the nieces and nephews for life. Two hadn't been born yet and I am basically a stranger to the twins.

Another snippet of the no contact letter to my other.

It was obvious my GC sister did not want me there. Thank God I was staying in a hotel.  I'd do something like merely touch the counter, and she bring a cloth immediately to wipe it as if I had cooties to share. The crazed neat freakery scared me, she actually had raised things a notch over my mother and she ordered her children to wipe and dry out the sink in the bathroom after every use.

My mother ignored me too. It occurred to me it was unfair that someone as sick as me who needed home health  and nursing care who was homebound at least 5-6 months of the year, was the one who had to visit her. No one ever came my way. My husband would drive, and bundle me up in the car, do the caretaking and take care of business here but the visits were painful and hard. No one was giving me a place to lie down. I often got leg infections or ill while visiting. The last two times I projectile vomited so hard, it scared me.

I saw her twice at this apartment in 8 years before I went no contact. She was always on the way from somewhere else where my home was "on the way". It was never a visit where visiting me or my husband was the main event. One time it was my birthday and I felt lonely having just moved and still in the fog and begged her to come. She was visiting someone in a town north of me and was driving by anyhow and stayed for an hour. The other time was the Christmas present drop-off where she walked in and dumped presents and walked out, refusing to even stay to talk.

It bothered me for years, that they never would visit. In some ways I was relieved of course, no cleaning and stress but the rejection stood out. It felt weird. Other people saw family members who were further flung. Other people had their families as part of their lives. I wondered what was wrong with me?  For years when I lived in my more remote rural town--they had to drive by a highway 25 miles from my house 100 more miles to get to my mother's out of state relatives, I let them use the excuse of "You are too far out of the way". Moving to a resort town right on the main drag didn't change anything for me.

My mother by the way, would visit Aunt Scapegoat each and every month, to check on her. She never missed a day of hers in the hospital.  Aunt Scapegoat lived double the distance from her.

3. "The Coldest Time of the Year". They choose the annual family gathering to be the third week of December, the week before Christmas which was always too cold, for me to travel or see anyone. This was why I did not see most of these relatives for now what has become a ten year duration. One year I asked if they could hold it earlier, right after Thanksgiving and was turned down flat. No one cared that I wasn't making it to these gatherings. After all I didn't have money for tons of presents to hand out to everyone like my mother. So my mother was picking the date along with Aunt Denial and making sure I was kept well enough away.

In my final NC letter I pointed this out. I was purposefully being kept away. When I lived in my rural town, there was a route one could take close to my town to see the out of state relatives, but I was never offered any rides. I made the mistake once of talking her into it. That was the 2005 visit, the last time I saw the out of state relatives that my mother has seen at least monthly for years.

Response from Aunt, she took 6 months to see my PM. I didn't believe her. Pictures had been posted on a social website repeatedly.

4. "We Are Too Busy" I heard that from many of them all the time. Emails would be ignored for months. Phone calls and phone messages not returned. Some I would approach and be sloughed off immediately. There was very little time given, even long distance.

 There is a level where people are really busy and will talk to you later, I get busy and behind too. But when people tell you over and over, "We are too busy", that means they do not like you and don't really want to talk to you. The me of today, doesn't go where I'm not wanted, and well I was not wanted in the family long, long ago. They threw me away long ago.

It makes me sad today how I scrambled for their crumbs. I was set up to be so needy, lacking love and any care or attention it is a sock in the gut. This is why I was so desperate. There are times we have to face reality and see what IS.  It's so sad, how I tried so hard for years.  One relief for me over these last few years of no contact has been not having to try anymore and putting work into the investment of empty relationships. It is a relief, my energy needs invested in taking care of myself and others who are actually part of my life.

It was true, they had LEFT ME FIRST. I spent years, trying to win love and affection from people who had none for me and who took me for granted and didn't care if I lived or die. I believe when an ACON makes the decision to go no contact, that most often the "no contact" in the way that matters has always been there. They checked out first and lacked true connection. Our going "no contact" just really underlines what has already happened. They left me first! They left you when they didn't love you.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to my readers! For ACONs, I am thinking of you during holidays too which I know can be tougher. I'll be back for more posting tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Generation X: The Scapegoat Generation is Dying Young

Age 45-54 is now Generation X.

Generation X is dying young...The above study spoken about in the above videos makes it clear.

The death rates for our group are rising. Yesterday's "slackers" are kicking the bucket far faster then their parents.

Some articles blame the drugs, and AIDS.  These are window covering issues. The power that be outside a few alternative media outlets are hiding the real issue which is the dying economy and changed life-styles. NAFTA and other trade deals like it have changed life in America and are stripping things down.  Other races and minority groups have greatly suffered themselves with higher death rates for decades so this study concerns mostly white people. It's obvious the economy has kicked Generation X in the face. There's a reason that Baby Boomers have 47 times the wealth. 

Being 47 years old, I have noticed my friends have died far younger and been more sick, then my parent's generation. None of us expect to live as long. One friend died at 46, one man at 55, another in his 50s, my husband's best friend died at 39 and this doesn't include the people who are already disabled. Generation X is not living as long as the Baby Boom generation. Why not? Our parent's generation had a far more economically stable life. They had more access to medical care. They had more secure lives. They had stable families that stuck by them, who did not abandon them or constantly move away. My mother has never faced want or loneliness as an adult. She has never gone to a hospital fearing a resultant tens of thousands of dollar bill from lack of medical insurance. My mother's life has been nothing like my own. She has never seen the inside of a food pantry, she had stable employment that was 8 hours a day, which included retirement benefits and allowed for a life with vacations, a nice home, and expendable income. Many of her peers have shared in the same easier lives.

 I will be talking about generational trends.  So yes, there will be a broad brush applied to some of these issues. There are good and bad people in every generation so I post this with the caveat again, this does not apply to every individual and there are good and bad people in every generation.  The Baby Boomer generation being one of most selfish generations in human history in America, has thrown their own children--Generation X and millennials under the bus for their own benefit. Do any of the wealthy oldsters around here enjoying their retirements, giant bank accounts and new cars, notice the people my age, walking in the rain and snow from their low wage jobs?

While Generation X sunk further down and the millennials have not even been able to afford their own apartments or homes, the Baby Boom generation benefitted from this. The Baby Boomers were told they were special over and over, and boy they never let us forget it! Thus they did not care about what happened to their children after them. Most generations want things to improve for their children, the Baby Boomers, put up bumper stickers on their new Cadillac that said "Spending my children's inheritance"---and boy did they!

The narcissistic sabotage for Generation X, started when we were in our twenties. Don't you know there was a reason when they labeled us all lazy slackers? We couldn't do anything right and we just got out of college. Like narcissist parents do to the scapegoat, we were handed bags of hot air and false illusions that did not pan out. Baby Boomers got the full attention of the world's media, and intelligentsia, and still even as they age, this has not ended. Did you know the millennials are a bigger generation in numbers then Baby Boomers? Bet you didn't. Why? Because all of our lives we have been told how the Baby Boomers are the biggest and the best generation and others did not matter. 

We are reaching late adulthood and still hearing about Kennedy getting shot and the rest ad nauseum, while our youthful times get mere nods. No one's talking much about the 80s, sure the Germans got their show Deutschland 83 and there's been a few movies, and memes referring to movies like Back to the Future, but it's like the 60s never ended. I never expected to be this old, and still having it shoved down my throat.

Everytime it seems I read a book even, it's a Baby Boomer doing the talking. Even a recent book I'm reading from the library on education Mission High, featured a teacher who had been in the Weathermen as a youth and graduated in 1967. He was another old hippie pontificating to me the virtues in this case of Common Core. They couldn't get any younger teachers to interview? Generation X still remains invisible even as we ascend into late adulthood and middle age, behind the attention hogging Baby Boomers. 

  “Generation Xers are the forgotten middle child generation,” says Faith Popcorn, a trend consultant who advises companies on generational differences. “They’re worried about both the present and future. They understand more than millennials that they could be replaced by robots and a lot of them don’t think they’ll ever be able to afford kids or qualify for mortgages.”
Popcorn says “6 in 10 boomers and millennials think their generations are special but only one-third of Gen Xers do. You wouldn’t want to be a Gen Xer.”

We were gas-lighted and told we were "entitled" for having basic wants and needs like an actual full time job that paid the bills instead of pieced together temp work and part time jobs at the coffee shop counter. While Baby Boomers enjoyed the benefits of worker rights and unions, today many of them join the Tea Party and make sure to vote away any of the same breaks for the younger generations. Empathy must be gone, because aren't some of them seeing their adult children doing far worse, because of the cut-throat job market? Selfishness is winning out at the polls. None of the partying in Florida Baby Boomer set, seems to care that most of their adult children will be cooking a can of beans over a rusted metal trash can when they hit their old age, because retirements and pensions are a thing of the past. Even as we get older and sicker, they tell us we deserved it for "failing".

 A life time of being called a "loser" by your parents has taken an extreme emotional toll on Generation X. Broken homes, constant moving, lack of stability and then financial insecurity with huge loads of stigma for not measuring up to parental expectations has hurt many members of Generation X without measure. Our lives were destroyed via our parent's selfishness.  Narcissists to the end, they sabotaged their own children and competed with them and never let them in the door. Financial pressures that never ended where cash-starved twenties became still struggling forties and fifties took a massive mental and physical toll in Generation X. We never could relax. In too many of our lives, while our parents had fun and shopped while they dropped, the answer for us was always "No". The false dreams we were handed by a bunch of narcissists were crushed by the hard cold hand of reality.

The Baby Boom generation up rooted marriage with their constant divorces, and destruction of traditional values, with the counterculture and drugs leading the way, Baby Boomers led us to many of the rotten places we are today. The old Woodstock navel gazing hippies who only cared about themselves graduated to the career and money obsessed yuppies of the 1980s.  The "freedom fighters" became the world's biggest neo-liberal fascists or fascist Tea Partier/Republicans. They codified lack of mercy and the worship of monolithic power.  They told us "God is dead" and spat on natural human emotions like affection. Earlier generations were taught family cohesion, loyalty, and defending the weaker and young. Baby Boomers weren't interested in any of that. They were more interested in "finding themselves". Baby Boomers being the most godless narcissistic generation to ever exist, have paved a path of destruction through this country like no other generation before them.

Do the Baby Boomers have empathy for people younger then them? Surely there are some good souls among them, but empathy is lacking in many places. How many Generation X people were told they were "losers" and couldn't do anything right as the carpet was ripped from beneath them? How many were told by the often New Age believing Baby Boomers, that they didn't think positive thoughts? So many of us are told "thinking positive" will deliver the cash right to our door. Sorry it doesn't work. Our media expresses no empathy for the younger generations. They repeat over and over young people [and now middle aged people]  are selfish, and lazy.

The SAME exact thing happened to Generation X [this magazine is from the early 90s]

"Hard act to follow"? Anyone want to barf along with me? Maybe there's a reason we wore nothing but black in our twenties. We were already in mourning knowing what awaited us. I had three years in my life where I wore nothing but black. We were already told we were LOST and that it was ALL OUR FAULT, and had nothing to do with the horrible changes being wrought in the economy. There's a reason we went goth, grunge and had the depressed Kurt Cobain as a spokesman.

In other words, Generation X was SCAPEGOATED TO THE MAX.

and they are still doing it to younger people too. "It's your fault there's no job, it's because you are too immature!" is the subtext on this Baby-boomer insulting cover.

Two Thirds Of Gen X Households Have Less Wealth Than Their Parents Did At The Same Age

Let's not forget the gas-lighting is part of the Baby Boomer game too. The poorer generations have been gas lighted to death. Told they are not achievers or as "hard working". There is a reason that many wealthier Boomers have joined the Tea-Party and want to do away with welfare and help for the poor.  It's not about improving the country, it's about protecting their own money. How many of us younger people were told we were personally responsible for all of our economic troubles? My husband was blamed for his lay-offs and so was I. My family in my extreme case literally threw me away for my money problems, well before I went no contact. The insults never stopped coming. Lest some see this as just my personal experience, I see the same treatment all over in different degrees.

Young people and middle aged Generation X are called "bums", "losers" and more. They move home to angry older Baby Boomer parents who are outraged at their child's failures and don't let them forget it. How many Baby Boomers did I see complaining about their adult children living with them, who "couldn't get it together"?  One still sees in in the magazine articles complaining about the young people and middled aged living at home with their parents. Gas lighting here, covers the real situation which is the 1 percent busy destroying the economy and opportunities within it.

Baby Boomers as a whole are not a generation that is aging gracefully.  Since they have more money, life is easier, they seem younger then people my age, in a certain way. My husband took me to this 50's/60s music show where he got some free tickets. People 20-25 years older then me danced around, a few were on canes and sitting at tables who were less mobile. They flirted as much as high schoolers, the women shook their booties, some wearing tight jeans and halter tops and were all dressed "sexy". It was perverse display with some of them. The good times never ended for Grandma and Grandpa Baby Boomer! I felt like a peasant woman sitting there in my long dress and with my walker entering some kind of altered world where these people were experiencing reverse aging while I was growing older at an accelerated rate. Narcissists don't age like the rest of us. A predominantly narcissistic generation will cling on to youth with a death grip.  There seems to be little admittance of the passage of time or the normal introspection that should come with age, I've seen in people a generation ahead of them. 

When I was in my 30s, I liked to befriend older people. Most of my then elderly friends were from the SILENT generation. They were different, and more traditional.  They believed in self sacrifice, they didn't tell me "think positive" or that everything was the young person's fault, they told me younger people have it far worse today and that life changed for the worse. One lady who was a mother in the 1950s told me, "We were happy and had time to spend with our families, now you see these women, and it's nothing but "work, work, work". Another elderly friend who was around 80 was direct, "You younger people are getting sick and dying far faster. Young people are not as healthy, especially in your generation and younger. I think it is because life is far harder for you.

The above statistics in the videos speak for themselves.

Babyboomers Don't Care if Generations Below Them are Poorer

Materialism, Crushed by Bills and Baby Boomers

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


This one is great. Many ACONs especially scapegoats can find art to be a refuge. I do art projects in my head, my body is too tired to do all the time. Snapping photos without a camera. "Oh those yellow leaves look good on that blue background", so forth and so on. Sometimes I have the camera though. I believe art saved my life, I really do. It's why I became an art teacher and it gave me something to live for during many years when I was totally alone. There's 110 pages on the comic. Maybe one day I'll get it done or turn it into a zine. Bristol board and more Indian ink need purchasing.

The Hungry, Alone and Homeless

Ah this one really spoke to me.  I hate those "get out of poverty" clubs. The local Catholic church has one, and I bet they will condemn the people in it and tell them that if they worked hard enough they'd rise up. They will be told they are not thinking "positive" enough. Most people need practical help not lectures.

Many of the poor are some of the hardest working people I know. In fact if this county held a working hard contest, I'd pick this fellow that works 70 hours a week at two low wage jobs. That guy loves his girlfriend and you can tell would do anything for her. They don't have a car either and he has to walk or bus his way to work. For all the talk of the "lazy" on Fox news in the inner cities, I saw some of the hardest working people on planet when I lived in some of most poor neighborhoods.

There's too many who look down from the ivory tower, throw down a few crumbs and then judge people for being hungry, alone or cold. Too many of the churches have grown more guilty of this because they they have become middle class and above clubs that teach the ethos of Ayn Rand and the Tea Party on behalf of the bankers more then what the Bible preaches about the poor. There are some that do help and seem to have a real spirit of giving without any meanness.

The bible warns about self righteousness for a reason. If one wants to help people, you can't consider them the "other" or "less human" then you, then you are doing them more harm. I've had people mock me for talking about homelessness or people in the streets. It is getting cold and hard out there. I've met too many people severely hurt while suffering in poverty or illness or homelessness, because they were looked down on. The help was given with resentment or from a position of superiority.

Poor people aren't choosing for the economy to collapse or the "good jobs" to be taken away. Some don't want to admit what is going on.  There is a hidden collapse to America that is going to become less and less hidden as time goes by. I just realized we escaped poverty leaving Chicago years ago and we were able to climb out. When we fell back in, the lack of mercy spoke for itself. What of people who face even worse? What of people who are totally alone in this world?

When I see people suffering worse then me, my first thought is not "What did they do to deserve it?" but "What can I do, or I wish I could do something for them?". Sadly too many think the former thought. I think others who have suffered have the most compassion. They have had it for me.